I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
