I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
