worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
