blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
