My hand turned me down
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
