I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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