so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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