Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
