i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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