I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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