dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
