Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize