This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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