So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The air was thick with penises
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
