so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
