I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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