that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
