just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
