I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's the barista slut.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
