so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you would pick up someone in the library
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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