She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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