How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
