I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
