I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
