I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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