He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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