You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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