who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
