Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
