Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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