Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
