i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
