Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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