I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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