ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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