Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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