Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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