My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
