u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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