My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
