Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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