I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
