I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
