No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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