So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
