I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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