you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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