i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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