i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
