just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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