Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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