Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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