I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
