I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
