At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
