So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
