its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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