so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
