the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
