Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize