He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
