I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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