Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
