last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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