I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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