I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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