First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
